When Choosing Yourself Means Letting Go of a Soulmate: The Sacred Art of Self-Love

There's a moment on the healing journey that no one really prepares you for.

It's not the breakthrough. It's not the rage or the grief or the dark night of the soul.

It's the moment when you meet someone who feels like HOME—a soul connection so deep it vibrates through lifetimes. Someone who mirrors your masculine or feminine essence so perfectly that every synchronicity in the universe seems to conspire in your favor. The words flow. The recognition lands. The 5D connection is undeniable.

And then... you realize the 3D reality isn't matching the soul frequency.

And you have to choose.

Not between love and no love.
Between them and you.

And for the first time, maybe ever, you choose yourself.

The Mirror That Showed Me Everything

I met someone recently who felt like my literal masculine version. A man whose presence made me feel seen in ways I'd never experienced. A man who allowed my little girl to come forward and recognize his safety almost instantly. Our conversations filled my world with safety, love, and the remembrance of many past lives. Every part of me screamed: Soulmate. Divine union.

The excitement was intoxicating. I could feel the future we might create together—the vision was so clear, so real.

But in my excitement, I missed something crucial.

He never asked how I was doing.

He waited for me to lead. And then he responded.

I told myself it wasn't a big deal. Maybe I was being too picky. Maybe this was just his style. But when I finally stepped back from the fantasy and looked at the reality of his actions, the universe body-slammed me to the ground with a truth I'd been avoiding:

I had pedestalized a potential love interest over my own self.

My wound of insecurity—the one that says "lead so you feel safe, control the situation so you don't get hurt"—had perfectly matched his wound of "let the woman lead so I don't risk disappointment or abandonment."

The soul connection? Deep and real.
The 3D alignment? Nowhere to be found.

And I realized: this was a pattern I'd been in before.

The Wound Beneath the Love

Here's what I saw when I got honest with myself:

I was over-giving to feel safe.
I was leading to maintain control.
I was showing interest first so he wouldn't lose it.
I had purchased gifts to give to prove I knew how to love—without giving him the space to show he knew how to love too.

I threw my entire deck of cards at him, hoping he'd pick one or two up and act. But when you give someone everything they need without any effort on their part, what makes you think they'll pursue you? What makes you think they'll step up and lead if you've already, in your wounding, chosen to lead?

There's no blame here. No shame.

Just a moment of clarity where I stopped, stepped back, and realized:

If I want life to look different, I'm the one who gets to create a different choice.

The universe will keep providing similar situations—different forms (different people)—for you to move through the same pattern, until one day you stop and say:

"I've seen this before. I don't want this. I choose me."

What It Actually Looks Like to Choose Yourself

It has taken me a great deal of time to understand what it means to choose myself. To love myself. To realize that the universe is only bringing me different forms until I can choose me over the form.

So often we're told as children and adults that choosing ourselves is selfish. "Why would you be so self-centered?" they ask—while simultaneously asking you to act in the way they want, which somehow is less selfish than you honoring you.

The logic is skewed.

We become adults who have forgotten how to choose ourselves, to honor ourselves. And for a while, as we move through our healing, we think we're selfish for choosing ourselves over another.

Until the moment our wholeness calls us back to this realization:

This heart, this depth, this love of who and what I am must be so precious—because I keep being presented with opportunities to say, "I choose ME."

And once that is realized, the only next step is to release.

  • To release needing to control

  • To release needing to know

  • To realize that I am so loved by the Creator/God/Universe/Source and my highest self that even though I don't know how to move forward anymore, I trust

I trust that if this isn't for me anymore, I am being held and honored.
I trust that what is meant for me will find me.
I trust that what is not is here for my growth and expansion—through choosing myself.

The 5D Connection and the 3D Reality

This was the second time I experienced a soul connection so deep in the 5D, where the 3D hadn't caught up. And this time, I was done waiting.

As much as the connection felt real (and it was real), as much as the words filled me with recognition and remembrance, as much as every synchronicity pointed to "this is it"if the 3D doesn't show up in alignment, my love might never change, but the form it gets expressed through does change.

In this case, it looks like moving only into business awareness and leaving the personal until a choice is made to see his own wounding and choose to lead—or not.

But his wound is his to hold.
And mine is mine to hold, move through, heal—and choose myself.

I let the vision drop. The excitement. The feelings of being seen and heard in a way I'd never experienced before. Not because they weren't real, but because no matter how real they are, I will not abandon myself for a potential that hasn't shown up in action.

So I pulled him off the pedestal. And I chose myself again.

It was a hard decision. But choosing myself is never the wrong decision.

Letting Go Out of Love, Not Anger

Rumi said it beautifully:

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with their heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation."

This is the truth I've come to know in my bones.

Letting go of this connection doesn't mean the love disappears. It means I'm releasing the form while honoring the soul truth. I'm choosing to let go—not out of anger, not out of resentment, but out of love.

Love for him. Love for myself. Love for the sacred contract we shared that brought me to this moment of wholeness. No matter the length of time of the experience.

Because when you truly love someone with your heart and soul, you can release the 3D attachment while honoring the eternal connection. You can say, "I love you, and I love myself more. And that's not selfish—that's sacred."

The Sacred Lesson: You Are Worth Choosing

If you have found yourself in this moment—now, in the past, or in the future—remember this message and hold it dear to your heart:

You are worth loving yourself so greatly that you let go of anyone who isn't in alignment.

Not out of anger.
Not out of resentment.
But out of love.

For we are all here learning, and through that, we always have the duty to love ourselves most and first—even if it means letting go of deep soul connections. Even if it means every synchronicity in the world is conspiring in your favor.

Let go.

Because what is meant for you will always find you.
And what is not will pass you by—or won't stay.

As Rumi reminds us: "Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."

Trust in YOUR love.
Honor YOU, always.

Reflection Questions for You:

💫 Where in your life have you pedestalized someone else's love over your own self-worth?

💫 What patterns keep showing up in different forms (different people) until you finally say "I've seen this before—I choose me"?

💫 What would it look like to release needing to control the outcome and trust that what's meant for you will find you?

With deep love and remembrance,
Miriam Zerio

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